september 2010

To My Hayes,

Happy half birthday! I'd like to say 6 months crept up on me, but watching you grow so much week after week has been a constant reminder of how fast time is passing. When people tell me that in the blink of an eye you'll be in kindergarten, and then high school, and then on a mission, then married... I believe them! It feels like yesterday that I read that little plus sign on a pregnancy test, and now here you are, a tiny person full of life. 

In this past month the fun of being your mother continues to compound. You're my best customer, laughing at all my jokes and antics and making me feel like a million bucks. You've started to mimic us, our silly faces, when my eyebrows go up, so do yours. When I make my lips motorboat, so do you, in your own special spitty way. If I put my arms out for you, you throw yours up until I pick you up. Up until this month you were very reserved, and if anyone wanted to know you, they had to earn it. Now you'll let your light out to anyone you come across and I love seeing how much joy you bring others.

This month has been all about FOOD! To say you love eating would be an understatement. You're less interested in nursing during the day, but as soon as bedtime comes back around, so do you. Cereal, squash, peas, apple juice, and white peaches of our tree make you so excited.  With every bite you say "mmm!" The peaches were on accident. While your dad & I were eating on our front porch, dad wasn't on his A-game (or maybe secretly he just wanted you to have the good stuff), and in a blink of an eye you had your mouth suctioned on it, taking it away from you was not an option, so you sucked it to the pit and couldn't wipe the smile off your face. Food has changed a few things besides nursing, I could learn French with the time I spend worrying about how long it's been since your last poop. By the time you do, I'm so happy and relieved I don't even care about the adjectives that go along with it. (I wouldn't say it smelled good, buddy.)

When I think about how far you've come in 6 months I can't help but think about how far I've come too. For many years the refining moments of life wore me down. I filled my days to the brim with tasks, responsibilities, and requirements. My thoughts needed to be scheduled because I was scared of what they might tell me if they weren't. I had uncontrollable anxiety, and at times war raged in my heart over things I couldn't control. The moment I knew I was pregnant, I had a reason to fight for peace. You are my anchor, Hayes. You gave me motivation and a purpose to just breathe and be. I haven't needed medication, or therapy, or even a pint of Half-Baked to help me get through hard times. All I needed was to know greater meaning. To feel all encompassing love, to do anything to protect a pure spirit and perfect little body. All I needed was you.

The world is yours, Hayes.

Love,

Mom.