2.23.2010

at home

"You were not created to be the same as men. Your natural attributes, affections, and personalities are entirely different from these of a man. They consist of faithfulness, benevolence, kindness, and charity. They also balance the more aggressive and competitive nature of man. The business world is competitive and sometimes ruthless. We do not doubt that women have both the brain power and the skills to compete with men. But by competing they must of necessity, become aggressive and competitive. Thus their godly attributes are diminished and they acquire a quality of sameness with man. The conventional wisdom of the day would have you be equal with men. We say, we would not have you descend to that level."
-President Ezra Taft Benson
via M.I.M.

since i was 16 years old i have always always had 1-3 jobs at any given time.
i've never NOT had a job, before leaving a job i always had one lined up somewhere else.
for the last 5 years i've been a manager of anywhere from 5 to 105.
i learned to be tough. i laid off 15, fired 1, had countless uncomfortable conversations, been chewed out, and learned quickly to leave my emotions at the door.
part of my innate femininity turned into a ruthless productive business machine.

as i negotiated the terms of my maternity leave at my current job my heart was heavy.
it was looking like i'd have a 6 week unpaid maternity leave, only to come back and work late hours while my husband left whatever job he was doing early to be with the baby at home.
it was not ideal, but we were prepared to make it work.

in the midst of this negotiating i had a real break-down.
i came home from work one night and sobbed. sobbed so loudly that i am sure the neighbors heard even though i was buried in russ' chest. i hadn't cried like that in years.
the emotions i learned to bury at work were spilling out all over my kitchen floor.
i wanted so badly to contribute financially to our growing family that
i had pushed away my true feelings.
there i realized where my heart truly was.
it was not at an 8-5 job, it was not bossing around a team, it was not in a budget meeting.
all i wanted was to be home.
but how?

little did i know that it was already being taken care of for me.
so here i am. a month earlier than i planned, at home.
little did i know that i would be offered a better case scenario than i could even dream up.
do i still have work to do? oh yes.
but it gets to be the work that i choose, that i love, and that i am passionate about.
and it won't separate me from my biggest job of all-- being a mom.

it was confirmed to me once again (i forget sometimes)
that if you let the righteous desires of your heart be known, your prayers will be answered.
i am still unfolding the layers of different blessings this huge change in my life
contains, and i'm sure i won't ever know the whole picture but i have such
whole-hearted peace that this path was created for me to become the woman God intended.

24 comments:

jenna said...

crying so much em. what a precious blessing from our Heavenly Father. He must really love that little sprout :) Here's to stay at home mammadom! And many pay dates ahead :)

Nakita Ellis said...

Amen to this! I definitely know what you are feeling. Thanks to a Father in Heaven who supports us in our righteous desires.

Logan said...

I am so happy that your prayers were answered! I remember how stressful it was to be the bread-winner when Dave was in school, and I wasn't a mom or even pregnant! It's such a wonderful, calming, comforting feeling knowing that, when the time comes, I'll be able to stay home with my kids. I'm glad you get to experience it now too. And still get to do "work" that you're passionate about! yay :)

Nicole Howell said...

Thank you for putting this in a much better context than another recent blogger

rebecca said...

aww. so happy for you. cant wait to hear about your new endeavors.

Trent & Emily Davies said...

Seriously the best post ever! I am so happy for you and the way everything turned out. If you ever get bored at home feel free to come visit...but only when I am there!

journeytojohanssontown said...

I have thought a lot about you this week and what you are going through, I know how hard is has been for you to "let go" but I also know how happy you will be that you did. love you tons

Lindsay said...

So Happy for you Em! You are going to be a great mom!

kara jo haught said...

emily... this is why i love you!! you are such an inspiring woman! i need more of you in my life!!

megan said...

Emily- what a woman you are!!! I can't tell you how great it is. I sometimes think about all the extra money we could have if I was working in the field I got a degree in but nothing is better than making lunches and giving a kiss good bye and then being home to see their little excited faces. You will be blessed for sure. Can't wait for your little one to arrive. What a mother you will be.

Kayla R. said...

beautifully said! Thanks for sharing Em, LOVE YOU!!!

Jene and Megan said...

So happy that things are working out for you in a way that makes you happy!!

Coby said...

thanks emily

iamahoneybee said...

It's so great that everything has been sorted out for you. I'm sure the situation was difficult but I'm happy that you are at home now and you will be happy with your little man.

Martha said...

Thanks for sharing.

Ashley and Chris Miles said...

I will be honest this post made my eyes a little watery...being able staying at home with your little Mr. is such a huge blessing. I couldn't imagine having to go to BB to sit there and work while Taimi was at home that would have been so hard. I am SOOOO glad things are working out and you are HOME for now anyway...good for you EM I am so happy!!

A & A Hooper said...

awww that was cute and nice to hear! i'm so excited that you get to be home! it really has been the hugest blessing in my families life! and, i know you will love it too! you'll be holding your little guy and think... how could i ever not be at home with you... i'm your mommy!:)

Kirsten Sue said...

I struggled with not working a lot after we had Jett. I really missed it. I am able to work from home a little while still being with Jett. Motherhood is the best. I am surprised at how much fulfillment i get from being with a baby all day. It is so much fun. I can't wait for your new adventure to begin.

Susan said...

what a sweet post thanks for sharing.

Dana Dastrup said...

I am SO EXCITED for you Em!! You are going to be a FANTASTIC mom! This little guy is going to love you so much!! What a true blessing it is to be able to stay home and have the BEST job of all... BEING A MOM!! Kinda weird that you are almost going to hold your own baby in your arms... Wasn't it just yesterday that we playing hacky sac/causing mischief to all those around??? The statement "Grow up and then give me a call" has offically become real!!

Bean said...

Seriously awesome!

MOE said...

Em I am so happy for you!!!! We had some of the same types of feelings/experiences and I couldn't be happier. you will love it!

MOE said...

sorry..."Moe" was Shalayne...I didn't realize I was signed in under danny's name...yadda yadda

Meagan said...

That is so cool you get to stay at home, I am so jealous! I am still praying to be able to stay home, hopefully someday it will come true. You are going to be such a good mommy!

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