a name & a blessing

i woke up at about 6:00 am last Sunday morning, and scooped Hayes up to bring him into our bed. i watched his chest rise & fall, and tears streamed down my face. i dreamed of this day for a lifetime, and here it is! becoming a mother really turned me into a hot mess.
no one could've prepared me for that.
i was weepy off & on until about 2:00 pm that day, for so many different reasons.

tears for how blessed i feel every day. i am hogging all the joy in the world!
for the constant worry if i am doing it right, or doing enough, or if he's happy, or if he wishes he were somewhere else.
for how amazing it feels to be a mother, a mother to Hayes.
for how much he's grown.
for how his skin, his eyelashes, his kneecaps, his long fingers, and bright blue eyes all formed inside me.

for how perfect he is, and what a miracle it is to have him here & healthy.
for the love i feel from heaven, how God has stood by me, guiding me & helping me learn to be a mother.

i got it together until we sat down at church waiting for services to start, then it was..

tears for my broken family. how i wish i could mend everyone and make them happy.
for the connection to the generations before me, and my future children to come.
for the massive circle of men, one hand supporting Hayes, rocking him, the other hand on the man in front of them, creating a bond that was powerful to witness. all these men love Hayes, and will support him throughout his life, and they kept themselves worthy to stand together and bless him.

tears while hearing my husbands voice, fighting his own tears, telling Hayes all the amazing things he gets to do in this life, and telling him how loved he is.
hearing how Hayes was so calm during his blessing, looking at each man in the circle one at a time, taking it all in.
hearing how he held onto my dad's thumb the whole time.

tears of happiness knowing that there is absolutely nowhere else i want to be, i am spending my life in laughter with the man i love, bringing beautiful sweet babies to this world, and basking in how the simple life is the truly happiest life for me.

photography by my brother collin, he's the best.

****************

& here is his birth/blessing announcement, done by QA designs.
i love it, it may hang on my fridge 'til kingdom come.