december 2010

To My Hayes,

So far this month is off to an amazing start! We finally got rid of your non-stop ear infections with a myringotomy procedure, or ear tubes for short. Dr. Robins told us that the fluid in your ears was probably as old as you are, no wonder son! Those dern ears gave you a lot of grief pain wise, and they also effected your balance. I wondered why you always cried when you were on all fours, and rarely went their on your own or fell to your tummy. And sadly, you weaned yourself from nursing last week, a lot earlier than I was planning, but forcing you to nurse was not my plan either... we can't win 'em all.

When I think about how much pain you had to brave, it makes me a little mad. We had to fight to get you this procedure, and it was worth it. The fight I have in me as your mother is like an iceberg. You can see some of it, but you'll never know the magnitude of it, and you probably don't want to. I would do absolutely anything for you!

thrifted polo

You're incredibly vocal these days. You say "baba" for bottle, and "mama" whenever I enter a room, leave a room, when you're hungry, and when you're stuck somewhere. When I make you a bottle you say "mama mama mama" non-stop until I shake it up and then you switch to "baba" and say it until you can get it to your mouth. That counts as a sentence, right? Maybe just a fragment. You give the best kisses on demand, throw your arms up for "so big!" or "all done!" and if there's music on anywhere, you're dancing. It's basically a side to side head bob and a full body bounce. One night you started clapping and I must have given you a good reaction because you'll clap, look to me, waiting for some excitement, and then laugh and repeat. The courtesy laughing is our favorite thing right now. You know we're trying to get a laugh out of you so you'll fake it. Too cute. 

Your particulars are becoming more apparent this month too. You'd like to feed yourself thank you very much, and watching your tiny index finger and thumb pick up food is adorable. I try to tuck you in, doesn't matter if it's once or 35 times, every time you throw the covers off you & wiggle your feet out from under the blanket. If I'm holding you and something catches your eye you just throw yourself out of my arms in the direction you'd like to go. I haven't dropped you yet, but you're freakishly strong, so maybe ease up on that one. Basically the only place you like to go is where your dad is. You thrive when it's the 3 of us, and if we're all together and someone tries to leave the room, it's immediate tears from you. I know how you feel, our little family is pretty cool.

We have been so excited to celebrate Christmas with you, and you've already taught us a thing or to about its true meaning. Of course we've gone overboard with presents for you, but you'd rather hear Christmas music or play in the scraps of paper, or just snuggle and watch Pooh Bear (again, for the hundredth time.) Thank you for reminding us about what's important. I've started singing Christmas carols to you at night and I can't help but get choked up. Your birth, just like the birth of Christ defines who I am deep down in my heart. Both events save and change and perfect me and I am undeserving of the unconditional love I feel from you. When I sing "Long lay the world in sin and error pining, 'til he appeared and the soul felt its worth." I cry. "When I sing "Son of God, love's pure light" I cry.

This month I feel like a good mom, and it seems like there's no where else in the universe you'd rather be. I like that.

Merry Christmas Hayes, the world is yours.

Love,

Mom.