FALL + WINTER 2019

FALL!
Cal was baptized in September and Charity brought her family up for it. My dad came up for it, my mom drove up, Pip and Pop came, not to mention friends just making the drive early Saturday morning to sit through 8 kids they don't know. (Hate those kinds of baptisms!) it was so nice of everyone!! SO handsome. I feel like I am looking at Cal as a 17 year old here:

Quickly became the sickest human on the planet and pregnant with our 4th boy! Honestly took me the entirety of Fall to feel better and now in my third trimester writing this I can say I am not nauseated really anymore. WHEE!

Went to Montpelier for Pop's birthday, Pip has shown some decline in memory and that was hard, but we love her so!

WINTER

RENO THANKSGIVING: Charity was so kind to invite us to her house for Thanksgiving she is always the best host. Food was delish, lots of sister time (she got me a facial and spa night, YES!) and the boys love hanging out with their cousins! Win for all!

WE ALL GOT SICK! Raleigh missed two weeks of school, I was SO ill. It wiped out our first weeks of December and then we were really in crunch time to get ready!

UTAH CHRISTMAS:

The tall tree Russ had to have after swearing off tall trees! 

We cut this one down and will be doing that forevermore. $15!

Raleigh: "I reach it!"

MIDWEST CHRISTMAS:

I mentioned earlier that I decided it was time to go to the midwest as a family. I and anyone other than Hayes had never been and its long overdue! We had recently reconnected with McKenzie after a few years and felt like it was important to go! We drove. OOF. It took 22 hrs on the way out since we stopped at Rushmore and Wall Drug and Cal had the runs and had to poop every hour it seemed. But we had great weather for the drive and it was smooth sailing otherwise! We stayed at Tim's house and he stayed at his girlfriends house and having our own space to cook, nap, multiple rooms was so clutch. He's the best.

We were immediately invited to everyone's holiday festivities even though no one knows us and hasn't seen Russ in 20+ years. Basic strangers bought gifts for the kids remembered batteries even, fed us so well, were so kind. 

We felt so well taken care of!!

Papa T a.k.a. Santa came to the Swenson's Christmas Eve:

Tim and Hayes cribbaging it up at Shelley's family party:

We visited Grandma Marie (Mike's mom) at her new apartment 

and went to the Frame's Christmas Day party. Frame's party was enormous and in a garage, a little overwhelming, but the Aunts and Uncles were all super nice. Met Russ' half sister, too!

Went to Ingrid + Chuck's for Christmas breakfast, presents, and then back again for Christmas dinner.

We went to Mall of America and the boys rode all the crazy rides 

and my body was like NO MORE WALKING. Raleigh met the Paw Patrol characters and was so sweet.

 

So the next day when we had tickets to the aquarium Russ got me a wheelchair, ha! SO clutch.

We headed back home a day early to avoid a storm, that we eventually got caught in anyway in Nebraska (it was all over South Dakota too, so unavoidable either route.) We were already halfway through so we just kept driving. 30 mph for a 10 hour day basically. Nebraska tried to break us. The return trip ended up taking 2.5 days. It was rough, so much wind and snow and terrible traffic and Nebraska doesn't seem to worry about plowing they just close highways up and with the crazy winds 30+ semis were tipped over all along the way. We got rerouted 3 different times, got stuck in a line of traffic when a train started coming toward us. Russ had to reverse out of the line of collision and the actual railroad crossing arm nearly hit us, it was close and hilarious/scary. 

Road trip food. By the end of the trip none of us ever care to eat fast food or get in a car for awhile.

All in all the trip was great! I am glad we made the effort to go and spend time with family and friends who care so much about Russ! McKenzie saw Russ and the boys and broke down into sobs. Hugging Russ for minutes, the whole restaurant was watching and tearing up too. She hugged each of the boys and continued to cry. Worth the drive in and of itself!!

It can feel lonely at times with my family being so fractured and so many relationships being strained, broken, unfixable it seems. All my Utah siblings have nearby in-laws so they seem to opt to spend time with them (don't blame them, far less complicated than our side of things) but it does make me feel like the odd man out a lot. We're the random family that needs an invite to hang with our siblings and their other families. You either have to have really amazing confidence or you can feel like a burden. 

Anyway, having his entire family to spend time with made us feel very included and wanted and loved. I know I sound pathetic, but it's the reality of my parents not getting along. Of the fall-out of a greedy, messy divorce. Of my siblings (and I) creating boundaries to keep our sanity through it all. 

My mom said the other day "What was I suppose to do, stay married to a man who cheated on me?" It's such a manipulative, reductive statement. But she'll never see her side of it, and my dad only sees his side in glimpses and then he's back to his own world. Truthfully, it was the actions afterwards that broke our family, not the divorce. Trying to make the kids take sides, bad mouthing, endless court dates, on top of both my parents living in their own realities and speaking from those realities. It is crazy-making and the lack of accountability and genuine, guileless interactions is what I think truly did it. Trying to spot the agenda at every turn gets exhausting. 

Mental illness, narcissism, the list goes on.

 But, it is what it is, right? I don't think it will be fixed in this life and that is a harsh reality that hits me head on during the holidays. Makes me incredibly grateful for my own crew, and pouring all the love and effort into making our unit amazing and strong! And also feel the weight of creating that culture semi on my own with Russ. This trip was just what we needed!!