2.05.2009

i'm just wondering...


**warning: this is not announcing anything. i am merely taking advantage of the wisdom and experience of the diverse group of people that may be reading this.**

russ and i always said that we wouldn't put a time limit on starting a family.
that when it was right, we'd go for it.

over the years "right" has turned into a laundry list of things. obvious ones like, i'd be graduated, we'd have a house...
the most important qualification was that we would have the whole communication thing down-- we'd learn what buttons to push to put the other over the edge, and then never ever push them again. neither of us wanted a home where anyone yelled, or nagged, or nitpicked. we wanted our home to be a place where we could be ourselves, respect each others' opinions, moods, needs and if we disagreed it doesn't need to be an argument.
just a discussion.

3.5 years later i can honestly say that we're there. i feel like russ and i have the kind of marriage we’ve been working for-- one where the laughs far outweigh the tears and those “discussions” come but once a month...
usually the first week of the month (if you catch my drift)

slowly one by one we’ve checked off the items on that laundry list, all that’s left is my graduation, set for december of this year.
but, after all that planning, organizing and controlling we still have one looming variable that i can’t control or plan… a baby.

***************************************

for health reasons, the pill was out of the question, and has been for more than a year. somehow, we didn’t have our first pregnancy "scare" until this last thanksgiving. we were on our way to thanksgiving dinner at my parent’s house and i was super anxious and 15 days late.

my heart raced, and i finally broke down and told russ to swing into the walgreen’s for a pregnancy test.

we stared at the long row of options, occasionally catching each others' eye, his eyebrows raised, my eyes like a deer in the headlights. i wanted the cheapest one, he wanted the most expensive. we settled somewhere in the middle and walked hand in hand to the check-out.

the cashier looked us up and down. i felt so young. i started biting the inside of my cheek and we walked out to the car. we drove the long stretch of road in nervous silence.
i looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
his eyes were glazed over, deep in thought, but his lips were upturned.
he was smiling.
my eyes welled up with tears, images of a baby in his arms, singing him (or her) to sleep with a pride and softness i saw in him at our wedding.

we finally pulled up to the house, and walked in. we were greeted by a huge group of family members. i tried to pull away to get to the bathroom, but it took twenty minutes just to say hello to everyone.

finally, a lull in the action. i caught russ’ eye from across the room and walked into the guest bathroom. my hands shook, i ripped open the cardboard, russ read the instructions in a whisper. while we waited i said, “i’d be happy if it was positive”, russ said, “me too.” after what seemed like an hour, i peered over the counter top, my heart sank. negative.

with eyebrows raised and the deer in the headlights look once again we went back to dinner, back to life as usual. i was surprised that i was disappointed, i thought i'd be relieved.
******************
when all things fall to place, your relationship is solid, you feel mature and knowledgeable, you know it's what God wants you to do and the list is all checked off...


how do you know if you are ready?

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay, I totally teared up during that story. All I can tell you, as abstract and esoteric as it sounds: you'll know.

Lindsay Ross said...

I really almost started crying. babies are the most exciting and stressful things ever and I love every second of it.
Emily I think you're ready because you have your baby voice mastered! you are going to be a great mom, not to mention your kid will have great style

Cody said...

Are you gonna have your kids watch "Superbad" with you?

I am. :-)

I feel ya in this post. My laundry list is very long and I'm not even halfway there it seems. Maybe Marco and I should actually live together before we have kids. I finish in May so I'll move down there then.

Tiffani said...

I felt now was a good a time as any to come out of my lurker hide-out. I found your blog through your sister's and have loved it for awhile. I've wondered the same question myself, and like any adventure you just got to jump in.

I can't wait to see your quirky take on motherhood!

{lindy baker cakes} said...

Emily,

I think it's one of those things that you can never be 100% prepared for. I can't believe that our first one is on it's way, but I can tell you that I have never experienced this kind of love (already) in my life. I love love love my husband more than words can express. However, this is a different kind of love. I don't think you'll be completely positive that you are choosing the right time, but that's when Heavenly Father steps in and you realize that it's His plan that really matters. You just have to act on faith. I think that you're ready.

Amy said...

I'm sorry- I've been lurking... I clicked on your link once from Liz's blog and I loved your style and wit. This post was enough to make me comment,it's so sweet, so I'm sorry I was hiding out before- promise I wasn't tryin to be creepy! :)

I don't have kids either, yet... but I think when you can say you're where you want to be in your marriage that's definitely a good sign. We're always growing and changing but Heavenly Father always knows best. I think when you are both in tune to the plan He has in store you'll know the time.

sounds like you guys are gonna be great parents.

elizabeth said...

now I'm teared up... sounds like you know it's right. :)

hugs!

elizabeth said...

now I'm teared up... sounds like you know it's right. :)

hugs!

Hayley Anderson Photography said...

You are so cute. And DANG IT, why can't I write like you?!

I'm not married, no kids, nothin... so I'm really no one you should listen to. But, something that I have learned from photographing girls with their newborn babies is that you become truly ready when you HAVE the baby. Not when it's planned, not when all the stars seem to be aligned for you to get pregnant, but when you actually have that baby in your arms. I LOVE watching brand new mom's interact with their newborns. It's one of the coolest things I've seen. These girls turn into moms in the blink of an eye. I know there are ups and downs and it's a total learning process but there is always something so natural about the way they hold their babies and instinctively know what to do.

I personally think you are ready. Hearing that the relief you thought would be there wasn't is a good sign that it would be a positive change in your lives...

Dana Dastrup said...

Emily:
Wow this post literally made me tear up!! I know without a doubt that you and Russ will be GREAT parents weather the baby comes in 9months from now or in a year from now!! You and Russ have a relationship that I know a lot of people Idolize!!
Just by reading your post I can tell you already know your answer on when you guys are going to become parents!! Just go with the heart... It will NEVER fail you!
I am going to be SO SO SO EXCITED for you the day that I find out you are pregnant!! You are going to be an AMAZING FUN CREATIVE STYLISH mother!

Kayla R. said...

Oh Em, When do you know if you are READY? I ask the same question all the time about our 2nd little one, I have come to find that it is when you talk about it with your husband and PRAY and you get that exciting warm feeling inside! You will be a FABuolous mother!

kara jo haught said...

That was a creative masterpiece... I love every second of reading it. Will you write a book for me.

I wasn't "ready" for either one of ours babies like i thought i should be. But, once that preg. test came neg. i was bound and determind. For me... i was ready once the count down started. DANG it i want you to have a baby soo so bad... cant wait to see that kid!!

Wendy said...

Goodness, I came from some wardrobe inspiration and now I am all choked up from tears LOL!

Thank you!

K. Crisler said...

It really sounds to me like you and Russ are READY! Having a baby is amazing. I feel like a lot of people make it seem like having a baby makes life harder but, I honestly dont feel that way. I find myself wondering all the time why we waited as long as we did to have a baby. Just remember, everything really always works out.

jenna marie said...

um i dont mean to follow the crowd but i cried. i love you. the problem with life is we are always waiting for the next thing...once we have this, once we go here, once we accomplish this. i know because we did that for three years. i literally woke up one day and thought 'i'm ready.' not because i have everything in line, not because i'm all of a sudden prepared for the burden and joy of motherhood, but because we were in a good place and i had faith that heavenly father would meet me half way and make up all my shortcomings. which he does, every day. have faith.

Logan said...

I've only had one scare too, and it's weird trying to decide if you'll be happy or disappointed at the results. Overall, I'm glad I wasn't pregnant at that time, but the pang of sadness when it was negative was unexpected. You guys certainly sound like you're ready though! I think it's just a matter of getting over the nervous/scared/inadequate feeling of "Can I really be a mom?!" Maybe that's just me though! :o) good luck

c-to-the-bass said...

That was some fine literature. Makes me proud to be your brother. Things definitely change when the little tyke comes, but I have to say, sitting here a minute ago watching Avery jump up and down on the couch in her footed pj's, pointing to herself saying, "It's Ay-wee! It's Ay-wee" and then points to me saying "It's Tah-yin! It's Tah-yin!" and watching Quincey smiling like the chubby black lost boy on Hook...when you know you're ready, you're in for a new definition of joy.

Hey Ho Its Ashleigh Noel said...

for the 18th time, you write amazing.
Oh Em,,,all I can say is pray. Make a decision one way or the other.. then you need to ask heavenly father. You will know if it is right.
( I personally can't wait until the day you announce) I love you em.

Colett (*.*) said...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I don't think you are ready, I don't think ANYBODY is EVER ready, it's just not humanly possible. I don't think there is anything, a house, a diploma. or a perfect marriage that will make you prepared for the ridiculous tornado that blows into town with a baby. You just have to go on faith and know that everything will all work itself out. It always does, doesn't it? If you want to wait for the perfect time you will wait forever! Sounds like your life is great now, a tiny "baby Frame" will make it a million times harder and a billion times better. It is a beautiful transformation that takes place the first day you feel your little one wiggling around inside you!!! I say jump off that scary ledge and go for it! You will be a fabulous mom. Plus it would be a great excuse to back out of the tri! HA!

Meredith said...

You've got a lot of intelligent readers. I agree with Colett. If you wait for the perfect time, you'll be waiting forever.

Good Luck!

Kami Su said...

What a sweet post. Sounds like you already know.

My quick thoughts are strange but for me true. Deciding to have kids is to me was a little like the feelings of bungee jumping. I know others have done it and survived, some like it some don't, but you make the decision go to the edge of the cliff and JUMP!!!! It's exhilarating, scary, fun, wonderful, and no turning back.

You can't ever be fully prepared, you learn along the way. What an exciting time for you.

Whitney said...

Okay, so I'm finally going to come out of lurkdom (in the completely none-creepy-blog-stalker type of way). I found you through Liz's blog (hope you don't mind), but I love going to Liz'a blog and getting crafty inspiration and then popping over to yours for the fashion inspiration. (I'm totally getting gladiator sandals because of you, but that's besides the point)

My perspective will be a little different than others, because you and I are in the same boat - wanting to be done with school, having everything all figured out etc. before popping out a bambino(a), but still wanting one just the same. But at the same time, life isn't about fulfilling your checklist, life is about living. If your list is all checked off, but your still nervous about it, maybe just play it on a month to month basis (that's what the hubs&I are doing). Or you and Mr. Frame could just totally go for it and be completely happy either way!

All in all, and for what it's worth, I think that you will be a fab mother. But I will say this, I hope you get preggers before me, because how else am I supposed to know about baby fashion?!

em ♥ russ said...

aah! i love you all!

Kimberly Ngarupe said...

i haven't read the myriad of comments so i might just be repeating others, but after having my own recent scare (and feeling a little sad), i realized that there are always things left on that laundry list, whether they were on it originally or not. you can never be 100% ready, especially because we don't know 100% what we're getting ourselves into.
the main thing is that you are starting to feel more ready. there was a time for me, at least, where it was out of the question. i knew it wasn't what i wanted at the time, but as time goes by, we grow and become more ready.

Alison Terry said...

I am delurking. I love your blog, and as selfish as it sounds I want you to have a baby just so I can see what he or she will wear!!!

Jazz Livingston said...

Stages of being ready:
1)Husband (check)
2)Happily married to said husband (check)
3)Ready for your own babies (check)
4)Husband ready for his own babies (check)

So far you are doing great...but once you see that positive pee test (I like the expensive ones, expensive = more accurate!)but once you see that test there is no ready for how immediate your life changes. But since you have the first 4 stages checked, you will make it through!

And like my piano teacher would say,"You should be practicing everyday for atleast an hour" :)

XOXOXOXOX

Nakita Ellis said...

Emily,

I'll come right out and say it, I follow your blog - hope you don't mind.

In my opinion, since your marriage is as stable as yours is, a baby would be pure lucky to join you two and you guys would do great as parents.

For me, I definitely didn't know if it was the right timing when we we started trying to get pregnant, but we both had this lurking thought that it was the next step to take, so we decided to try. I definitely was NOT ready when the baby came, I don't think you can be ready, but day by day I'm learning and have become less selfish and more like what I picture a mom to be like.

Best of Luck! Oh...and I love your blog.

Anonymous said...

Amen to the practicing 1 hour a day.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you can EVER be READY I'm going on actually having a baby for a whole year now (not counting the eight months of being pregnant- she was early) and I'm STILL not ready but you learn and grow and Heavenly Father does things in his own time so you may think you are READY and still have somethings to learn and you may think there is not chance in the world that you will EVER be ready for a baby but you get one anyway and its the greatest thing in the world. I am of the belief that it will happen when its supposed to. (but if anyone COULD be "prepared" for this ... it sounds like you two are... i wish you the best and as always look forward to your next post. :)

Kat Clark said...

sounds to me like you don't need to ask that question.

Lindsay said...

LOved this post by the way! The question is... are you really ever ready for anything? I think there is some sort of "surprise" that comes with these special times in our lives. The hidden part of things to come. We never really know if we are ready till these times come and when they do YOU ARE READY and it is better than ever!!!!!!(I love that I am being confusing) ha ha and I am reading what I wrote and laughing but I can't seem to put it into words. anyone anyone? quizznos???? Long live that joke. Love you

Tamera said...

I know I wasn't ready, and at times when they're newborn and so helpless you still feel in way over your head. But, the love of that little baby pushes your through all your insecurities.

Can't wait for the announcement whenever it may be!

Jene and Megan said...

Oh Emily..I don't think people are ever ready for a baby. I know that I thought I was so ready and Jene and I were in a place in our lives where we wanted to start our family..Jene had graduated and had started a new, great job...We had 2 1/2 years of marriage..Anyway, we got pregnant and had the baby and wow, does it change your entire life!! It's the hardest and most wonderful thing in the world! One way to help you know, pray! Pray together and alone and do it often!!
I remember crying when I had a pregnancy scare too before we were ready. Just the thought that there is something growing and living inside of you...Wow, I've rambled on long enough! Sorry! Good luck with everything!!

journeytojohanssontown said...

I feel that commenting is usless because you have already had a lot of advise, but I have watched you too go back and forth on this one and all I can say is go for it. As soon as you have that little one in your arms you will wonder what all the uncertainty was about. Kids aren't easy but oh so worth it. As gavin would say take the walk of faith.

Kent and Leisy said...

take your freaking time!! Okay-okay- so realize that that advice is coming from an overtired- sore boobed- super fat- and highly emotional mother of a three day old baby. It's great- and ridiculously hard- but you are as ready as you will ever be. I am so glad that I graduated first and so glad that kent and I had time together. I couldn't have been happier with how it worked out although when it was time- I still didn't want it- but I just knew that it was supposed to be.

Kaitlyn said...

Emily,
Along with everyone else I am teary eyed after reading your beautiful post.

I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. Making the decision to have a baby can be scary, but it can also be the most exciting, and the best feeling in the world. I hate to tell you that when it's time you'll just know, but that's how it worked for us.

I honestly don't think that there is ever a perfect time to add a baby to a family. Babies change everything, but only for the better. Having babies only made my world better and changed the way I looked at everything.

My best piece of advice I can give is to pray alot and then just listen. Lots of love - Katie

P.S. Whenever you and Russ do decide to become parents, you 2 will be the coolest parents ever!

Lindsay said...

I don't think you, or anyone ever thinks they are ready to be a mom. Looking back, I don't know how I thought I was even a little ready. Now that the kid is almost 5, I feel like I'm kind of getting the hang of it. You learn as you go, and you are so lucky to have so many moms around to help you out whenever you need! (including me!)
I love ya girl, you will be an amazing mom whenever it is! I hope its soon though!

linds jo said...

just do it, its the best thing ever.

ps. that cabin you were at is right next door to my families... we will have to hang and stalk robbie redford next time you are there.

the coltons said...

so i, along with others, am coming out of my non-creepy lurking corner. i found your blog through ashley & rory and my husband works at blindside so the square thing came up too .... ANYWAY - the best advice i could give (as a total stranger, i know) is to wait until you feel like you can't stand to wait anymore (there's no going back, be ready to be a mom 24/7). we just celebrated our baby's 1st bday yesterday and it was such a trip to sign cards "mom" and "dad"

obviously, it's amazing. you won't need anyone to tell you that. personally, i don't think it completely changes your life - i think baby just makes your family that much more complete. going out as a couple turns into going out as a family (most of the time) but you won't want to be away from your little one for very long, anyway!

i'm rambling - bottom line, do it when you feel like you can't stand to not have the little one with you - it kind of sounds like you might be there already :)

i say go for it! :)

Fullmer Family said...

i have to agree with everyone's comments.
But coming from someone who became a mom at the age of 19, enjoy this time with just you and russ. The next time you will have this much one on one time will be like when your 40 and your kids are in college.

Kit said...

Can I just say, as grandma of the future frame babies, that reading this brings two readtions.

1-This drama was going on at Thanksgiving and we didn't find out until February? Wow . .
Parents need to be able to keep confidences, so you passed that test!
2- I feel overwhelming joy and gratitude to read your State of the Union address. Many couples try for 30+ years to get to that place of controlling themselves and never EVER stop pushing the other's buttons, some never arrive. Your willingness to tackle not just the hard job of school and full time working, but the incredibly hard job of disciplining yourselves to live together in love, peace, and mutual respect and unselfishness is the work of a lifetime and you have done decades worth in a few short years.

You are ready.

Laney said...

I say go for it! Just remember to love each other once the baby comes and to remember your loyalties to eachother. Don't let children get in the way of your marriage and your relationship- let them make it better! Sometimes Taylor and I just let little Henry cry in his crib so we can stay in bed together longer- and I think Henry is a better baby for it. BTW-I loved your post. It was quite possibly the best post I have ever read, EVER! (and I read a lot of posts)

Jen W. said...

My take on this matter is that you can never take having a child back it is permanant as it gets. I don't think people ever think "We should have had kids sooner"

Just make sure the time is right and you've done all you wanted to without kids is my opinion!

The Wiseman Life said...

I think your blog is famous...honestly. 43+ comments! Wow.
Anyway I loved this post. Totally hit home. I don't know if you are ever prepared. Somedays I am soooo ready and other days I freak out at the thought. I know you are Russ will be great parents because you have such a great and amazing marriage.

Danny and Shalayne said...

Em...I love this post. I know I'm kind of late commenting, but I'm just catching up on blogs for the past few weeks. In my opinion, you'll never be ready, yet somehow you are always ready when it happens. I keep thinking, I can't believe I'm a mom but it feels perfect and right even though I am far from those to attributes! You are going to be wonderful parents. I can't wait for you!

allegra said...

hmmm, there's nothing i can say that people haven't already stated, but personally i think you're ready. just looking and reading about how much you love your little nieces and nephews is so cute. if you were even just a tad bit sad at the negative test, it means the desire is there. you'd make a fabulous mommy.

good luck. enjoy your blog a lot. and i LOVE your etsy headbands. i may just have to order me some of those babies. don't be surprised if i do.

Michelle said...

the way i feel is, you dont know. you just go for it. it all comes naturally.

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