august 2010

To My Hayes,

Your fourth month of life has been all about new things, and it's right what they say, 4 months is God's gift to mothers! You've turned from a little lump of baby to a baby boy, with personality, and humor, and inquisition. You are still a mama's boy through and through, for awhile I was the only person that could get you to fall asleep. One night your daddy came into the kitchen with a look of pride, he had done it! He was beaming. For awhile there we could contain all your things in your nursery, not anymore. Your gadgets and toys are spilling out every room and there's no sign of slowing down. Walker, bouncer, play mat, seats and supporters, toys, teethers, bottles, pacifiers and runaway shoes and socks-- the organizer in me is still learning to embrace it.

You love your alone time, sometimes you just want us out of your face, I don't blame you! Your dad and I roll when we hear you laying in your crib laughing hysterically. You laugh harder by yourself then we've ever gotten you to do with our screwball antics. We think you've got a funny brother or sister that comes to visit when we're away, that you can fill in on what a couple of kooks they've got to look forward to for parents.

You've hit so many milestones this month, little things I wondered if you'd ever figure out, one by one they came to you. Rolling, sitting-up, playing with your feet, laughing, and the dreaded teething all came at once, it seems. For some reason you decided that you'd work on both upper canines, which we hear are the most painful. Maybe smartly so, we hope your other teeth will be breezy for you. They still haven't poked through, hopefully soon! I'll take a vampire baby over a teething one any day. Needless to say there have been some heart-breaking days, I wish I could take all your discomfort away.

We started feeding you rice cereal and we couldn't get the spoon re-loaded fast enough. It was a little earlier than planned, but you're sort of obsessed with food. Watching every bite we take like a hawk, grabbing anything and everything at the dinner table, and having mild spaz-outs when you see the sweet potato puff lid come off. We can't wait for you to try some new foods next month, we know you'll love it!

Your dad and I spent the first four months of your life, whenever we were in different rooms, with conversations like this "What did you say?" ... "I was talking to Hayes." Finally, after what seemed like a 1,000 times your dad said "When have I ever called you Mister-son?" (said Meesa-son.) If your dad ever tries to deny it to you, I am telling you now for the record. His babytalk skills are amazing. He has created a high-pitched language with you, and I told him he gets 'til your six months and then he's got to talk like a normal person. Either way, I've never called him Booger-nose either, so I'm glad we've straightened that out.

The reality of being a work from home mom has set in. It's you and me baby, all day. I worried before you were born that I would feel unfulfilled, or unappreciated, or unrecognized. I was so used to being in a bustling environment, with deadlines, and promotions, and paychecks. While you can't tell me "Good work, Frame." like I was used to hearing, the total and complete love and acceptance I feel from you is unmatched. No one looks at me the way you do, Hayes. In the real world I might be laid-off or let go, or fired for some of the unknowing mistakes I've made as a new mom, but you are so forgiving. You've let me come into my own in this new "job" and you've been patient and loving every step of the way.

When I rock you and your pacifier pops out and you look at me like I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, I can't help but think "pay day!" When you've got a fistful of my hair by the root, and you snort cause you're laughing so hard- "pay day!" Maybe this work isn't important to the world, but it is important to me & you. Who cares what they think anyway?

changed me in so many ways, separated me from a world that is becoming less deserving of your purity by the day. A world that had me believing motherhood was anything less than magic. I can never thank you enough for that.

The world is yours Hayes.



Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

He is just so sweet :)

in love in d.c. said...

what a beautiful post. it makes me excited to be a mom :)

kELLO! said...

i love it! and i love the new layout :) so cute to see him smile :) i like watching him grow up. like he's famous or something haha

jasmine said...

well, that made me cry.


Amy said...

Your words are so beautiful. I especially loved the way you put the last few paragraphs. Happy 4 Months Hayes! Oh, and the new blog layout is fabulous!

Aaron + Kayti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aaron + Kayti said...

i love your way with words. i love that you love your son and in turn have a deeper love of life. i love that you arent ashamed to share any of that on your blog.

keep 'em coming girl.

kate lines said...

this is so beautiful, emily.

Prina Family said...

You are such a talented writer! I have had similar experiences to these. Those "payday" moments keep me going.
Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he made families central in His plan. I am always so thankful and happy when I hear other Moms rejoicing in motherhood. You are amazing:)

nicole said...

soooo sweet! you have to mak a little book of these letters to him to look back on. Soo much more detail than any baby book.

Carlita said...

written so perfectly. what a beautiful way to express your ever growing relationship.

and i love the idea of "pay days!"

Annie said...

just look at jasmine's comment. i seriously was going to type those exact same words.

Kit said...

Such a beautiful capture of the joy of motherhood, Emily. . .one of the most beautiful I've ever read.

I remember the way you would look at me, when I stepped out of the shower, dripping wet hair uncombed, mascara smeared underneath my eyes, and give me the same smile....like I was your world!

It is as amazing to be as unconditionally loved by our babes as it is to love them, to adore them. . . more than we even knew we were capable of loving!

I love your "separated me from a world that is becoming less deserving of your purity by the day."
What an honor God bestows on us when He allows us to be co-creators with Him!!! It IS magic!

Thank you so much for embodying these universal feelings into such unique and poignant language!!

and I Love YOU, and adore YOU, forever....!

Heather Lee said...

I don't know if you know that I've read your blog...I usually leave a comment when I look at a blog, especially a more "personal" blog. Anyway, I LOVED this post. Loved it. Especially when you talk about the things you've learned from being a mom. That you were worried and now you know, you had nothing to worry about. Best part ever.
"You've changed me in so many ways, separated me from a world that is becoming less deserving of your purity by the day. A world that had me believing motherhood was anything less than magic."
Wonderfully put.

Heather Lee said...

ps. Can I quote you?
My blog is private. But I have to share what you've said.
hlmatthews4@yahoo.com is my email.

allegra said...

beautiful, emily. just beautiful. your writing is exquisite. you're a darling mom!!

p.s. i love your new blog layout!

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