august 2010

To My Hayes,

Your fourth month of life has been all about new things, and it's right what they say, 4 months is God's gift to mothers! You've turned from a little lump of baby to a baby boy, with personality, and humor, and inquisition. You are still a mama's boy through and through, for awhile I was the only person that could get you to fall asleep. One night your daddy came into the kitchen with a look of pride, he had done it! He was beaming. For awhile there we could contain all your things in your nursery, not anymore. Your gadgets and toys are spilling out every room and there's no sign of slowing down. Walker, bouncer, play mat, seats and supporters, toys, teethers, bottles, pacifiers and runaway shoes and socks-- the organizer in me is still learning to embrace it.

You love your alone time, sometimes you just want us out of your face, I don't blame you! Your dad and I roll when we hear you laying in your crib laughing hysterically. You laugh harder by yourself then we've ever gotten you to do with our screwball antics. We think you've got a funny brother or sister that comes to visit when we're away, that you can fill in on what a couple of kooks they've got to look forward to for parents.

You've hit so many milestones this month, little things I wondered if you'd ever figure out, one by one they came to you. Rolling, sitting-up, playing with your feet, laughing, and the dreaded teething all came at once, it seems. For some reason you decided that you'd work on both upper canines, which we hear are the most painful. Maybe smartly so, we hope your other teeth will be breezy for you. They still haven't poked through, hopefully soon! I'll take a vampire baby over a teething one any day. Needless to say there have been some heart-breaking days, I wish I could take all your discomfort away.

We started feeding you rice cereal and we couldn't get the spoon re-loaded fast enough. It was a little earlier than planned, but you're sort of obsessed with food. Watching every bite we take like a hawk, grabbing anything and everything at the dinner table, and having mild spaz-outs when you see the sweet potato puff lid come off. We can't wait for you to try some new foods next month, we know you'll love it!

Your dad and I spent the first four months of your life, whenever we were in different rooms, with conversations like this "What did you say?" ... "I was talking to Hayes." Finally, after what seemed like a 1,000 times your dad said "When have I ever called you Mister-son?" (said Meesa-son.) If your dad ever tries to deny it to you, I am telling you now for the record. His babytalk skills are amazing. He has created a high-pitched language with you, and I told him he gets 'til your six months and then he's got to talk like a normal person. Either way, I've never called him Booger-nose either, so I'm glad we've straightened that out.

The reality of being a work from home mom has set in. It's you and me baby, all day. I worried before you were born that I would feel unfulfilled, or unappreciated, or unrecognized. I was so used to being in a bustling environment, with deadlines, and promotions, and paychecks. While you can't tell me "Good work, Frame." like I was used to hearing, the total and complete love and acceptance I feel from you is unmatched. No one looks at me the way you do, Hayes. In the real world I might be laid-off or let go, or fired for some of the unknowing mistakes I've made as a new mom, but you are so forgiving. You've let me come into my own in this new "job" and you've been patient and loving every step of the way.

When I rock you and your pacifier pops out and you look at me like I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, I can't help but think "pay day!" When you've got a fistful of my hair by the root, and you snort cause you're laughing so hard- "pay day!" Maybe this work isn't important to the world, but it is important to me & you. Who cares what they think anyway?

You've changed me in so many ways, separated me from a world that is becoming less deserving of your purity by the day. A world that had me believing motherhood was anything less than magic. I can never thank you enough for that.

The world is yours Hayes.

Love,
Mom.