october 2010

To My Hayes,

Seven months? Really?! Let's call this past month of your life the "er" month. You are louder, bigger, longer, fuller, and in turn we must be goofier and quicker to keep up with you. My arms are getting buffer, my neck is getting tighter, because you are incredibly heavier. You're 20 pounds now, and we love every inch of you. You are starting to pick up on what's "funny" in your surroundings. You love anything ridiculous, and nothing makes you laugh harder than when your daddy gently rubs his bearded chin in your arm pits.

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Your great uncle Josh asked me what kind of boy you were turning out to be. What's your personality like, what characteristics have followed you from birth? What a good question! One that I have pondered ever since. What makes you intrinsically Hayes, is your desire to be a loving son and a good boy. 

There are so many moments I wish I could take a still frame and keep it forever. Your gaping smiles, and your gummy drooling grin that rarely leaves your face. How you put your arm around my neck as I hold you, twirling your fingers in my ponytail. How you take a minute to gaze people in the eye. As you take them in, you make them feel special and loved. You are a magnet, wherever you are, that's where people want to be. The face you make right before you cry is a huge smile, like you want us to be sure that it will only be a moment before you're happy again. You take the time to try and communicate before you get frustrated. You will stare down any toy, food, or shiny thing that catches your eye - without a blink - until we see it too, and hand it to you. I appreciate that so much. It's always okay to cry, but life is sure easier because you rarely do. 

Your desire to be a good boy, to go with the flow, and to be cooperative has been with you since you were lounging in my tummy, since you were "Ziggy." I have pages and pages of journals about the 37 weeks I shared my body with you, and I'll show you those anytime you want the real scoop on pregnancy. No takers? It's alright. There were many instances when I was pregnant where you did your best to cooperate. From your CPC scare at 16 weeks, to the final day, March 10th. I went to Grandma Kit's to get some lunch before our 37 week appointment and she asked "So, when you do you want to have this baby?" and I said, "Today! Today would be great!" and only a few hours later, you were here. When you had to lay in a billibed to flush out your jaundice, our hearts were broken, we just wanted to hold and cuddle you. But, you never cried, not a single second, as you laid in that bed for 22+ hours a day. 

You've incorporated into our lives so seamlessly, we've been able to take you anywhere to do anything our hearts desired, and you've been such a good boy all along the way. When people wondered why it took us so long to go on a date or get a babysitter, this is why. We three are a unit. Of course we could go to a movie, or dinner, or the Bahamas, but why would we want to unless you came too? You're the MVP! With that being said, I learned a good lesson this month. Just because you are a good boy and you go with the flow, doesn't mean you should have to. Taking you on a boat for four days when you had a cold was the worst I've felt as a mother thus far. The hardest part of being a parent is forgiving yourself when you make the wrong choice. I'm sorry. I hope you don't get sick of me telling you that.

Being away from home without all the comforts and devices and tools that comfort you made me wonder and hope you like it on Earth. In my own life I've had such strong feelings of homesickness. A homesickness I felt even when I was laying in my own comfortable bed. Homesick for something else, something I faintly remember. Maybe I can't prove it or see it, but I know we came from a Heavenly home, and I know we can go back there. I just hope that you don't miss it too much, that you feel safe and happy here in our arms. To us, home is wherever you are.

The world is yours Hayes.

Love, Mom