may 2012

To My Cal:

You have accomplished so much in the last month, and I know I am getting behind in these posts mostly because we're having so much fun together, we wake up play hard until we come home and crash hard. It doesn't leave much time for reflection, which I've come to learn isn't such a good thing. Sometimes you need to slow down and make room for quiet. I read a quote somewhere that said something like, if things in your life aren't adding up, it's time to subtract. I started subtracting the unnecessary this week and it's amazing how little memories and glimmers of the last month with you started filling my mind again begging to be written down.

The word of the month is mobile. You figured it out and you are crawling all over and you literally never sit still. You will chase a runaway ball from our bedroom to the front door and back again. You pull yourself up on just about anything and then proceed to climb on top of it do a little dance - a little headbobbing slash head shaking slash up down motion with your hips - and then to get down you hold on tight while you lower your bum to the floor as far as your arms will allow before you let go and fall to the ground. Gratefully you still cuddle, especially when a new person tries to talk to you, you tuck your head in and give them the flirtiest eyes and they swoon and I swoon and because I get to hold you tight for a few moments before you're throwing your body out of my arms to get down to play.

You're all time favorite thing to do is empty the contents of baskets, trash cans, drawers, buckets. You could do it all day. Your second favorite thing would have to be splashing yourself silly in the pool or bath. What used to be the only time I could keep you still - the bumbo - is now a thing of the past. You lunged right out of it and fell into the sink. Thankfully I was standing right there, so you only fell into the sink instead of off the counter into the floor. Now if the bumbo is on the floor you use your feet to scooch around, Fred Flinstone style. You do the same scooching in the pool and the bath and your ease with movement astounds and terrifies me.
I was cleaning the house while you boys slept one day until I heard "uh-oh" over and over in the monitor. It's your favorite word, (you've added "ball" and "dada" to the list, where "mama" is, I have no idea!) and it doesn't necessarily mean anything all the time. But, I think you wanted me to come see for myself because when I walked the light from the cracked door fell over your face, and you had the goofiest grin. You had pulled yourself up in your crib and couldn't have been more proud. It's a good thing I never raised the crib back up from when Hayes used it, because a-back down it would go.

Sometimes I look at you and regret washes over me, how did you become 10 months so quickly? When those around you ask me "Is he really always this good?" yes you are, and you came out that way, how lucky am I? You're so entertaining too, but so many times I find myself watching with admiration from afar while I'm tending to your brother, or cleaning a mess up. The only times you and I have to ourselves are nursing, and when you wake up for that golden hour each morning (before promptly going back to bed.) Sometimes I have to remind (smack) myself that I am not truly present for you and to stop everything I'm doing/thinking/planning and just be with Cal. You are worth every second!

We've already established that Hayes is absolutely obsessed with you. He thinks your hilarious and loves to stop what he's doing to give you a slow-mo hug and kiss. I hold your little hands as we walk into his room to get him from a nap and you both squeal with joy. Hayes says "Hi baby Tao Tao! (Cal Cal)" and you guys spend a few minutes playing like puppies in his crib. Wrestling, pawing at each other and a lot of open mouth drooling kisses. You love to do what he does, play with what he plays with, get tossed onto a bed full of pillows like he is. I've heard if your trekking through deep snow it always helps if you walk in the footsteps of those ahead of you. In this life, Hayes might always be a few steps ahead in a chronological sense, and I'm sure there's times where you'll pull ahead and be the trailblazer. But, I want you to know that you have each other for a reason, and that is to walk this life together. Sometimes in one another's footsteps, but hopefully side by side more than not.

Every night before I lay you down to go to bed I say a prayer over your tired body and thank God for sending you to me when He did. For letting you push to the front of the line, for being such a light and delight in my life. When I think about it without you in it, my heart aches. I thank him for your health, for your strength, for your curiosity and intelligence. For being such a good brother and a good son. I ask Him to bless you for being all those things, because I know you have a choice and you always choose to be good. I love you for so many things, and especially for that.

The world is yours, Cal.